Ep1 Get To Know Us

Join us as we discuss who we are and why we wanted to do a podcast. We hope you enjoy this first episode of many as we dive into what makes marriage hard and how to overcome the obstacles every marriage faces.

Send us your questions or problems to:  questions@istilldowithyou.com

Website-  https://istilldowithyou.buzzsprout.com

Transcript

Gary:  
Hey guys, and welcome to the I still do.

Joanne:  
You got it in episode one I was waiting for you to introduce yourself.

Gary:
My name is Gary.

Joanne:  
I'm Joanne, and we the Sev...

Gary:
Married.

Joanne: 
Oh, yeah. Okay. We are married. hahaha. Yes, we are married. This is our first podcast together. We just got back from a really amazing marriage retreat. And we learned so much about each other after being married for 14 years. And it just kind of made us want to come on here and help other couples achieve the oneness that everybody wants in marriage. And we just thought it would be good to do a podcast together about some of our experiences with marriage.

Gary:  
Well, I think this would be a good time to give everybody a background on and where we come from.

Joanne: 
Who we are, yeah, our experience with marriage and family and life.

Gary:  
So then why don't we start with you. Let's dive deep into what makes Joanne , Joanne.

Joanne: 
my quirks and all. Okay, so, a little bit of background. I don't know if I said this. We've been married for 14 years.

Gary:
I think we covered that.

Joanne:
we covered it? Okay, gotcha. Okay. Well, um, and we're actually getting ready to celebrate, in actually about four days, our 17 year anniversary of when we started dating,.

Gary:
holy smokes...

Joanne:
 oh my gosh, and that will oh my gosh, that's just a long time. It was a long time ago. So

Gary:
that is a long time to spend with a person!

Joanne:  
It is, its a very long time. And it also doesn't seem like that long, either. But anyway, I came from a big family. I have three brothers. My parents are still together. We were brought up as Christians. Pretty normal life. When I was 17, I happened to be home schooled at the time and started hanging out with some new friends and I happened to meet the one and only Gary. 

Gary:
That's me!

Joanne:
When I was 17. So we we kind of met in. In i think it was October, beginning of October. Yeah, it was we met and he was seeing somebody else at the time. And I just remember telling her like, he's so hot. He's so cute, like, good job. He did really good. But I never was looking at him in that way. I just I knew he was hot. But I didn't look at him like, ooh, that could be my boyfriend one day. So we just kind of hung out as friends, and we I don't know, it just it wasn't like that. And a few weeks later, he and his girlfriend broke up. And I don't know we just we started talking over text and it sounds really cheesy, but we just like slowly started texting each other and kind of realized that we liked each other. 

Gary: 
It was a fairy tale.

Joanne:
It was a fairy tale.

Gary: 
Yes, so a little bit about my background. Mine is a lot different from Joanne's. I come from a very troubling, if you will, past. dad was an alcoholic mom was a drug addict. And you can kind of put the pieces together from there. So basically, my grandparents raised me until about my teen years and then I went back to be with my mom. But then I met Joanne and this girl turned my whole world around. I mean she she was like nothing that I've ever dated before. Oh, that's for sure. She was hot she could drive she had a car she had a job like she had life figured out

Joanne: 
you liked me for my car, didn't you?

Unknown Speaker  4:49  
that hot little neon yellow Dodge Neon?

Joanne:
you just liked my car! I'm convinced that's why you went for me?

Gary:
Well, it's just it's so interesting to look back on because, you know, we were.. our backgrounds were polar opposite. We didn't know it at the time. And I don't know, there was just something about you something that I just I just wanted to be with you and I knew that we just had to be together.

Joanne:  
I feel like from the beginning, like when we started talking and realizing that we were interested in each other. And we started dating, I feel like there was something, too that was drawing me to you like you were different than any other guy that I had dated. You were like, so sweet, and such a charmer, but not in like, not in like a fake way. Like, I really felt like there was something different about you. And I still  would have never guessed that we would be married, especially this long. But there was just something about you or it was like I was just drawn to you. I couldn't like I couldn't stay away from you. And I just felt like myself and I felt comfortable with you. And it was just something different that I had never felt before.

Gary:  
And just so everybody understands that is listening. This wasn't like a fairy tale beginning either.

Joanne:  
No, there was a lot of trouble 

Gary:
a lot. 

Joanne:
We we had a rough few years of dating. But for some reason we kept going like we kept coming back to each other. So another little thing you don't know about us is, in our first year of dating, we ended up getting pregnant with our daughter. 


Gary:
Oh!!!!

Joanne:
you didn't know that? 

Gary:
No... I didn't. 

Joanne:
Oh, is that brand new information???

Gary:
will not tell them how young we are this point.

Joanne:  
So I had just turned 18. So the same month that I turned 18, I found out I was pregnant. And Gary, I don't want to give away my age. Basically, I'm a cougar... He was 17 at the time, okay, but there's only a six month difference between us. So he was 17, I had just turned 18. And that little pink line showed up at a think it was a target. With my friend, I just told her I think I'm pregnant. And I need to take a test. And we went in to the bathroom. And I took the test real quick. And very quickly those lines showed up. And here I am just a brand new adult. I'm a baby myself. And I almost passed out right there in the bathroom stall. I just I could not believe, especially with my background. And just knowing how I was raised in knowing that this was not how I planned things to go. It was very scary for me. And I was just scared. I was scared of what people would think, too. I was scared of my parents finding out. I was scared that this might not have been the guy that I needed to be with, you know, forever. At that time. Our relationship was so Rocky, like I knew I loved him. But at the same time, I didn't know him well enough to know if this was who I should be with forever. So it was a very scary time. And I don't recommend starting your family that way. But God wanted us together. And with us working hard at it. We are still together 17 years later, 14 years of marriage for kids in. And it's just amazing how God turned something so scary. And something that is not really an acceptable thing. He turned it into good, because we worked at it. And we have kept God at the center of our marriage. And we fought for this marriage. This didn't just happen by chance. It wasn't just a coincidence that we worked out this has been hard work, and it's been worth it. 100%. But that's just to show you guys that hard work can get you very far in your marriage and That's just to give you a background so that, you know, we didn't start out with the perfect marriage. We didn't do everything right, we didn't do the engagement and then get married and, 

Gary:
Oh, we're pretty backwards. 

Joanne:
Yeah, and then have the kids and, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't the way that it should have been. But it turned out better than we could have ever expected. And that's why we want to share our experience with marriage in our relationship and our family, with everyone to give people hope, and to kind of help people understand how we've made it this far,

Gary:  
We have definitely overcome a lot in our relationship, and I think where we're at now that we're in a good place, I mean, it took a lot of fighting to get here. And we're, we continue to work on things. No, marriage is perfect. No relationship is perfect. 

Joanne:
And it never will be. 

Gary:
We have our struggles, we, you know, we fight just like every other couple do. But I think there's a lot of things that we do, right, that we would like to share with everybody.

Joanne:  
And I think one of the biggest things is, in our premarital counseling, I think this is what hit me and made me realize this is going to work. And this, it was it was just like the one thing that I was told, that really stuck with me was, LOVE IS NOT A FEELING. Okay, we all go into this thing, oh my gosh, I'm so in love with him, he makes me so happy. That fades very quickly If you rely on that love is not a feeling, Love is a commitment. It is a choice to wake up every day and say I love this person. I don't feel like I love you. I love you, I'm choosing to love you. In these hard times, I'm choosing to love you, Despite your flaws, despite my flaws, We are in this for ever together.

Gary:  
It truly needs to be unconditional. There can't be any, I love you up until this happens.

Joanne:  
right? And then I'm gone. It's definitely a commitment that you need to go into marriage with. This is forever, there is no out. We are going to make this work no matter what. And we are going to fight hard for this. And I think that's why we have made it so far. Because we've had plenty of things in our, in our marriage, and raising a family and the stress of kids and work and everything else. Family, businesses, everything. There are so many things in these last 14 years that could have caused us to walk away from each other. But he knows I'm a flawed person. I know he is a flawed person. And we choose to love each other in spite of those flaws. So there is nothing he could do within reason. There's really nothing he could do to make me stop loving him or decide to quit on him. And I think you feel the same way. 

Gary:  
Absolutely, And that doesn't mean that's a hall pass. It absolutely does not, like, Oh you can do this, And I'll forgive you type thing. don't abuse it.

Joanne: 
No. And I hope nobody gets that impression. I'm not saying I mean, like I said there are exceptions. I understand there are things that couples go through that can't be worked through. But within your boundaries. I'm going to say the one thing that I think would maybe two things, is infidelity would be one and abuse. I would suggest getting help in getting out and getting safe until that person gets help or.. I don't I don't really know because I don't deal with that. And I'm I'm not a licensed therapist, I have no license. I'm giving you my take on how our marriage has worked.

Gary:  
One like we heard stories this weekend. This past weekend when we were on our retreat that you know abuse is common in relationships, whether it's physical or verbal. But, even when you know you got spouses who are cheating on each other and things like that. I mean as extreme as those things are and as they sound, Believe it or not, couples recover from that. And it was the craziest thing that I had heard this weekend. Yeah. Because to me, you know, those two things, it's like, Okay. Wow. Timeout. Like that's, that's pretty extreme. You know, 

Joanne:
that would be grounds for divorce. 

Gary:
Yeah. And there's couples. I mean, it's unbelievable. That are just the rising from the ashes. Yeah, no on that. And it's, it's incredible

Joanne:  
if you find yourself in those situations, and maybe just do need a little bit of hope. There are couples that do overcome that, with lots of help from outside. Yeah, from professionals. So I'm not trying to minimize that at all. I am not speaking on that, really, because that's not something that we have dealt with in our, in our marriage. So I am very sensitive to the fact that those things do happen in marriage. And I would suggest getting Christian based counseling, and make sure that you are safe while you're doing that counseling,  you're away and safe. Again, I don't I don't have any license to give advice like that. So that's just that's just based on my take on it. Aside from those two things, there's really nothing that should be grounds for divorce. You can work through anything. You can work through major problems. And yes, sometimes it does require getting outside help. But we decided to do this podcast, to try to give couples hope that maybe your marriage isn't exactly what you want it to be.

Gary:
Well, day to day life takes a toll on your relationship. Yeah, whether it's I mean, look at us. you're running two businesses. You're a stay at home Mom, we have four kids. You know, you you babysit your nephew, your hands are full during the day.

Joanne: 
carpooling, Yeah, there's, there's a lot. We have sports every day of the week, games every day of the weekend. There's a lot going on. And that can cause a lot of stress.

Gary:  
Again, well, you know, I work a full time job, I run a business myself, and there's just there's a lot to get in the way. 

Joanne:
Yes.

Gary:
Between us. And I think it's really important to, you know,  in between practices, or, you know, we're eating dinner in the truck, because we're on the on the move. And you know what the kids, we still find time for each other one way or another, you know, whether it's sitting at practices or a games and you know, we just take a minute and catch up and see how our each other are doing.

Joanne:  
yes, you are exactly right. And so that's what we want to do is just offer some advice as to how we got here, offer maybe some pointers on how to keep your marriage fresh and exciting. People don't typically believe that we've been married 14 years, because we kind of act like newlyweds. We are still very giddy with each other, 

Gary:
which I thought everybody acts like that. 

Joanne:
I know, I know. We're still very giddy with each other. The romance is still very much alive in our well, maybe not romance lol.

Gary:  
Speak for yourself... I took the trash out tonight!

Unknown Speaker  18:46  
Yes, that is very romantic lol,.But I mean, like I still get butterflies when his text comes through on my phone. Or when I see his name come up. And he's calling me, it's like a you know, I kind of feel like that dating stage like, oh my gosh, she's calling me. Oh my gosh, I just got a text from my husband, It's so exciting. So um, yeah, so we just we want to invite you along on this journey and just offer kind of our story and maybe help some couples who are kind of in that place where they just don't feel like things are going very well. You know, maybe you can take something from what we're telling you and how we've kept our marriage alive. And for these last 14 years. Maybe you can take something from that and apply it to your marriage and see a different result. 


Gary:
Absolutely. 

Joanne:
That's our hope is to help as many couples as we can to have a very fulfilling marriage.

Gary: 
There's a lot of issues that we can cover. There's, you know, in laws, there's money, there's 

Joanne:
kids,

Gary:
kids is a big one

Joanne:  
conflict. How to fight fair

Gary:  
"into me i see" gotta keep it PG-13 lol, 

Joanne:
intimacy,
Yeah. All that good stuff. So if there's anything specific that you would like to hear us talk about, feel free to let us know questions@istilldowithyou.com. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. We are open books.

Unknown Speaker  20:31  
We'll have a, we'll have an email address down in the description, And you guys are more than welcome to send us questions. It's totally anonymous. We won't use real names. If you don't want us to

Joanne: 
Yes, we will keep your identity private. Absolutely.

Gary:  
Absolutely. And again, we're not we're not professionals. We're not licensed marriage counselors, we're just two people, who have a lot of experience under our belt we've had, you know, a lot of issues. We've overcome a lot of things. And I think there's a lot that we can share with everybody, And that's really all we want to do is we want to give back. We, God has blessed us with an amazing relationship in marriage. And we just want to help as many people as we can.

Joanne:  
Yes, we would love to see more married couples feel the way we feel about each other. We would love to see that in more marriages. And we would love people to experience that in their marriage. So 

Gary:
the oneness. 

Joanne:
Yes, the oneness.

Gary:  
Well, we hope you guys enjoyed this train wreck of an introduction into what we're gonna be talking about.

Joanne:  
Yeah, be gentle. This is our first podcast, we just kind of, we're just kind of winging it right now.

Gary, 
Yeah, we got the kids in bed and you know, we figured we'd come on here and just talk.

Joanne,  
tell you who we are just so you kind of know who we are before we before we dive in.

Gary:  
So we will catch you guys on Episode Two.